- Heartbroken and Healing
- Since You’ve Been Gone. Our Message to Gracey
- Being Brave and Feeding Bossy Backyard Blue Jay A Message to Gracey
- Collecting Your Ashes. Our Message to Gracey after Two Weeks
- Trying to Save Birds Our Message to Gracey after 3 Weeks
- Cheetah Love Our Message to Gracey after Four Weeks
- Our Message to Princess Gracey after 5 Weeks
- Summer Blues Our Message to Gracey after 8 Weeks
- First Snow Without You Our Message to Gracey After 6 Months
- Blue Christmas Without You Our Message to Gracey
- There is Something About Winter. Our Message to Gracey after 10 Months
- Our Message to Gracey After One Year
- Our Message to Gracey After Two Years
- Our Message to Gracey After Three Years
- To Gracey, Four Years Later.
- Five Years Later. Bad Kitty Tells Annie Stories of Gracey
It has been one week since you’ve been gone and it seems like it’s been a year to your dad and me. A broken heart doesn’t seem to understand or follow linear time. No need to break it down into the days, weeks, months or more just so we might think we should be feeling better. We should feel exactly how we feel. We must acquiesce.
One day this past week your dad called me and asked if I would bring home a chocolate cake for him. “A chocolate cake?” I asked. And he said yes, that he needed comfort food. I teased him by asking how long do you think you will be requiring comfort food and he answered “Oh, about another thirty years.” We both laughed and it felt good to laugh. Oh and I did stop and pick out chocolate cupcakes for your dad. And lemon cupcakes for me. My resistance is low.
I was home today and it was the first day home alone all day without you. I made it. I only started to look for you a few times and when I got the mail, I still went out on the porch with the door shut behind me. Closing the storm door is a habit started to protect you just in case you decided to bolt out the door. You never tried to leave the house, but I never took the chance.
I opened up the sun room for the first time today. It is unseasonably cool today so I opened the windows and let the cool breeze come into the house. I saw your little heated thinking circle unplugged and empty. My heart sank and I found it hard to swallow. But I managed to step into the room and look out onto the backyard.
Bossy Backyard Blue Jay visited me. He was really squawking up a storm too. I thought I would be brave and go fill the feeders and deliver his peanuts. I decided that I would wait until your dad came home so we could go out together.
I came back into the office and worked on a few things. I heard the lawn mower start up and jumped out of my chair to hurry and close the windows to reduce the noise. You really didn’t like the mower interrupting your thinking time in the sun room. I decided to leave the windows open and and saw your little heated thinking circle unplugged and empty.
Your dad came home and we ate sandwiches again. Five days in a row. We don’t seem to care. I asked if he wanted to join me in filling the bird feeders and he said he would. We carried the seed, suet and peanuts out into the backyard and worked as a team to fill all the feeders and listened to Bossy Backyard Blue Jay announce our arrival. We didn’t look into the sun room where you would have been watching us.
We walked around the house and were amazed how fast the weeds have taken over the flower beds. Tomorrow we could work on them for awhile. We closed the windows because it is supposed to be in the 30’s tonight. I took one last look at your thinking circle but this time, this is what I saw.
You are in my heart and memory and I can see you in your heated thinking circle when I close my eyes. And this makes me feel happy.
Your parents are doing their best to go through the motions without you. It has only been one week. The longest week we can remember.